The F-word for today....

... is forget. Forget that a few bankers found it funny to royally screw the rest of us up our financial bottocks. Forget that the current financial crisis reminds me of 1929. Forget that there's a good chance this crisis will resolve itself the way most crisis did throughout human history. Forget the vicious circle I'm in, professionally speaking. And most of all, forget the FUBAR thought process that is mine at this time.
There is no "other letter"-word for today, though. Dunno, didn't feel like finding one. I did, however, feel like giving some love to this lonely web page, alone without its creator's attention. I wonder if people truly realize the amount of attention and energy something they created requires... I mean, if I feel (ever so) slightly guilty for not having updated my blog for some time, how will it be if I ever decide to give writing another serious attempt? Feeling like tearing my hair off in grief every day I miss a writing session?
Yeah, I kinda like the ancient's way of showing their grief. Well, "like" may be too strong a word. Let's just say it truly means something to me. How many of us would be ready to sacrifice their precious hair to the memory of a loved one? Truth be told, I can't think of anyone I know. Or maybe they could? By all means, prove me wrong. (This is a schoolbook example of "don't do this at home kids". A simple comment will do, really. Though I shall accept pictures.)
Anyhow, let's go on to the traditionnal "what's new" section of every self-respecting long-due post. Lots of stuff hapening in the office, some of it good, the rest ranging from bad to fucked-up. As for my personal life, some new friends, a membership to a gym and a couple other things.
What?
Did you expect me to serve it to you on a silver platter? Or lay a red carpet for you? You want news, most of you know my email. If you don't, there's still the comment section.
Anyhow, I gotta get some sleep, the last two gaming sessions left me knackered. Damn you, Fable II, damn youuuuuuuuuuuu!!

Your Blatte.

Back back back backitty back back!!

Hulloes,

Another title that says it all... It must be the Force expressing itself through my keyboard. The Force sometimes is an idiot, you know? Otherwise, how can you explain Anakin "I'm a powerful whining bitch" Skywalker?
Let's not stray from the topic here, though. After a nice two weeks or so in my homeland, I am back to where I usually live. I am pleased. I have been spoiled with pressies, and as was foreseen, my liver has taken one hell of a beating. Speaking of which, I've receive an official communication from my liver, advising me that any further attempt at mixing liters of alcohol with lightly relaxing illegal substances will result in immediate secession between us. Poow wittwe thing is complaining of having a hard life... I shall go and please it by paying hommage to the Burger King. And in the meantime I think the proper response would be: "Deal with it, bitch." Of course, any suggestion you have is welcome.
Damn. Strayed off again.
I hope your holidays went well, with the prescribed amount of pressies, love and fun.
To the HD girl, should you read that, tu n'es pas seule en ce moment, et tu sais où me trouver. Je pense à toi.
To the rest of you, more stuff coming here in the near future. I commit to nothing, but I'll even try to keep a weekly schedule. Or something.
Ta.

Holidays!

Howdy.
Well, as much as the title may say it all, I still feel like I have to expand my line of thought in here. Yes, I know. That doesn't make any sense. Then again, in my current state of mind, relief and hungover, well, I can't be held accountable for any nonsense fit I may experience. Anyhow, allow me to develop.
Relief is rather obvious, since if you have been reading this blog, you should by now know I had a rather shitty end of month at work. Holidays are exactly what I needed. Late night talks with whiskey bottles in the companies of friends, presents, the warm and fuzzy feeling one gets from being reunited with one's family after a long separation... I don't need to pitch it to yall, do I? ;)
As for the hangovering (yeah, I'm making up words. Because I can.), well, we had a christmas party on Thursday night with the office guys. I know the most cunning of you are already wondering how I can still be hungover from a binging on Thursday night when it's Saturday today. To those I say, it was a really nice drinking session we had. And truth be told, I haven't recuperated my lost hours of sleep. Plus, the utter lack of decent kebabs in this country has deprived my stomach of the necessary amount of fat required to properly absorb the alcohol.
That was a long sentence, which I'm glad I didn't have to say out loud.
Anyhow, back on topic. I shall leave my country of adoption to temporarily return to the land that was gifted with the immense honor of hosting my coming into this world. Yes, I just said that. As you can imagine, my being away from home will seriously reduce my abilities to come expose my random thoughts to your unprotected brains.
In light of these reflexions, I gathered myself into a committee, and unanimously I decided on the following. To those I won't see this fall, guys, take good care of you, merry Xmas and happy new year. Watch out for any racoons. Especially ones carrying lightsabers.
To the munchkin that went overseas, I hope your holidays with the other side of the family is going well. I miss your ramblings.
To the owner of my favorite pet shop, a mighty hug to you and the old branch. Best of things to yall.
To my broeder and his better half, keep the coconut spirit up for this coming year and the rest. May your dwarve's beards always grow. We shall see each other in '09, count on that.
To TC, keep the storm coming!
And finally to those I'll have the pleasure to see, wait for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
Over and out.
Votre Blatte.

Saturday, sweet Saturday..

I can't even begin to describe how much I had waited for this Saturday. The first day after a rather taxing and distressing week, the first day that can actually start off whenever I please to wake up, the first day where I don't to enact moronic commands from moronic bastards... Don't get me started.
Anyhow, let it be known throughout the realms that today has been a thoroughly unproductive day. I am pleased.
On today's blogging menu, I'd like to direct your attention away from my mindless chatter and onward to this little thing I've discovered today while reading VGCats. 'Tis called Geist Panik, and without further ado, I command thee to click on yonder link: http://www.geist-panik.com/
Now, the mind must yield to the demands of the flesh.
I must feed.

Fuming Blatte

Today has been a pretty effed-up day.
I can't get into the details, because I'm under the effects of both a contractual NDA and my own character.
Suffice to say that in my job we have some activities that are value-adding, and other that are not. Or not that much. As some of you may know, we in sales are measured against a revenue target. Or we should be. Anyhow, given the economical situation and all that jazz, things aren't as bright as one could expect right now.
And, go figure, my beloved manager asked us to spend the whole morning on non value-adding activities, for the sake of him looking good in front of his management. When we tried to argue that we'd be better off spending time trying to get some revenue in, the answer was something along the line of "Anyway, you ain't gonna make it today, so... *shrugs*".
Although I can't deny the truth in that, does that mean I should lie down and fucking die? Does being unable to attain the target that was fixed for me warrant my spending my valuable time on pointless activities, using inaccurate data? Should I start walking around without pants on account that I'll be cold anyway?
I read back what I just wrote, and it seems rather like me bitching pointlessly so I'll stop right here. But still... allow me this final little consolation...
WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK???!!!111oneoneeleven
There.
I feel slightly better now.

Sweet, sweet tomorrow.

Or is it?
It's been nagging at me these past few days. Or rather, what has been nagging at me is what people say about how to consider tomorrow, and the way I feel about it. Basically, I hear two ways of behaving towards tomorrow. The first one is to always expect it, and the second one is simply not to give a good goddamn about it. Now, while both have their appeal, I find that I can't quite subscribe to one or the other.
While I would tend to be more attracted to the latter, I still can't help but look forward to the next day, hoping it'll bring wonders and all that jazz. Of course, I'm exaggerating a bit, but you get the point.
I suppose somewhere in the middle is where I fit in. Or maybe I don't fit in, in which case I might as well stop worrying and go about my business.
Anyhow, enough brainers for now. I have some house chores to do.
Yes, I live an exciting life on Sundays.

The Blatte.

Racoons with lightsabers

Yes. Yes, you read well. Today's post shall discuss the grave threat posed by racoons wielding lightsabers.
Before we go any further, let's go for a bit of history.
As you know, the Clone Wars lead to the downfall of the Jedis and the rise of the Empire. Palpatine, being the evil bastard that he was, ordered his scientists to conceive a breed of super soldiers, to use as his elite guard. Not that he had any serious enemy to fear at the time, but well, tyrants are paranoid. That's the main drawback to ruling with an iron fist a whole Empire.
Anyhow, let's not stray from our story. Darth Vader, out of boredom, took to supervising the creation process. Several months of hard work and the deaths of several scientists (Vader was "displeased") later, the geneticists team finally pronounced their task complete.
They had created a humanoid lifeform, which had surprisingly developped a furry tail. It seems that the outcome of mixing cells from wookies and Bobba Fett wasn't that predictable. When Vader was presented with the result, his initial displeasure turned into utter satisfaction when the specimen tore off the head of the nearest scientist and maimed a couple more. The poor thing even went for Vader himself, but a quick Force choke was enough to immobilize it. What the Sith hadn't foreseen was that his victim was sensitive to the Force and would try to fight back.
Of course, Vader being the most potent Force user in the Galaxy after Palpatine (and even that's not proven to this date), he had no trouble making the newborn creature yield. Remembering his childhood in Tatouine and the little beasts he used to toy with, he named the creature "Racoon". Afterwards he made sure the Racoons knew what their name referred to, thus humiliating them even further.

He ordered the remaining scientists to create a host of Racoons, and thus proceeded to training them in the dark arts of the Force. The casualty list was heavy. Out of the two thousands Racoons he trained, only twelve remained. Those twelve Vader presented to the Emperor. Palpatine ordered them to fight two squadrons of Stormtroopers. He was disappointed when Vader didn't object, as the fight was set up as much to assert the Racoons true strength as to hurt Vader's feelings. The last of Vader's humanity was rather fond of the Racoons, truth be told.

Imagine the Dark Emperor's surprise when the Racoons took their lightsabers out of their belts and started slicing through the Stormtroopers like a hot knife in an ice cream. Disbelieving his eyes, Palpatine lowered himself to the bloodstained arena. He summoned his own lightsaber, and swiftly attacked the next Racoon. After a few blows were exchanged, he knew his servant had brought him the perfect tool for his personal guard.

The Emperor handpicked six Racoons and garbed them in red capes that hid they furry legs and tails, for he didn't like their appearance. The remaining six were ordered to proceed to cryogenical ships and sent in outer space to conquer new worlds for the Empire. Darth Vader finalized their training and gave them further knowledge of the ways of the Force.

Two of these Racoons arrived, an undetermined time later, to a blue planet with a natural satellite, both orbiting around a yellow star. The first one crashed on top of a couple T-rex that were quietly dismembering a fallen diplodocus, and caused an ice age. A couple millenia later, the second one landed in what is now the Mediterranean sea. He was welcomed as a God by the Atlantean society, which was the most advanced human civilisation of these times. He quickly reached for the Force, and felt the Jedis from afar. For the first time of his life, he was free to do as he pleased. So he decided to enslave the puny humans.

That was done rather fast, what with the Dark side of the Force. Once this was done, he began to relax himself, and decided it was high time to give rein to the natural urges of his species. Of course, he tried to lay with human females, but it was disappointing for him, as they were too frail and hairless for him. The slaves suffered greatly from his displeasure, untill one of them mentioned the legend of the Ice Age.

The Racoon understood what was behind that, and immediately went in search of his fallen comrade, praying it was a female one. He landed in the North Pole and sensed a being asleep under the ice. Using the Force to locate it, he thawed the ice with his lightsaber, nearly exhausting the battery in the process. He was delighted to see that the being was a Racoon as well, and a female at that!

So he woke her up with the Force, but his delight was short-lived. He found out that his kin had slumbered too long in her Force-induced coma, and while the body still lived, the mind was dead to the world.

After a short debate with himself, he gave in to his urges and discarded their clothes. He went about his business, but while the body of his partner reacted to... stimulating, when he was done he was shamed. Still, he went back to Atlantis with the other Racoon in his arms.

For several years life went on, untill someday the female Racoon gave birth to four cubs. As he tested their abilities, the male Racoon found that they had no sense of the Force within them. He tried and tried, but to no avail. In his rage, he destroyed Atlantis and sunk the whole continent.

The cubs escaped, and procreated on what is now known as the European continent, and over the centuries the species dwindled, both in sentience and size.

But be wary, as the Force is still in them, and we never knew what happened to their genitors... Racoons with Lightsabers are the real threat.